Published: 21.01.2026
I finished a 40-minute session today. At the start of this month, my plan was to get up to an hour, but so far I have not been able to make that kind of progress. There is some resistance to the idea of meditating for a full hour, and I am not sure where it comes from.
Maybe it is simply that sitting for an hour is hard. Maybe at some deeper level I am not motivated enough to do it. Maybe there is a part of me that feels like I would be wasting an hour, even if I do not say that out loud. I need to think more deeply about what is actually underneath this. Irrespective of the reason, I still want to force myself to do one full hour soon and see how I feel on the other side of it. I suspect there is something important about crossing that threshold, even if it is only once. For the first few minutes today, I was drifting in and out of sleep. This has been happening frequently off late, once again. I also feel unusually drowsy in the morning these days, and I notice myself yawning a lot, especially when I am having my coffee. It is not like I am short on sleep. I have been sleeping for around ~7 hours every day, which is much better than what I used to do earlier. Still, I feel less alert, or at least I think I do, and I am assuming the yawning is a signal that my body is not fully awake yet. After those first few minutes, the session settled into something else. For most of it, my mind felt busier than usual, but I also did not get pulled into long streams of rumination about the past or projection into the future. Thoughts mostly came and went. They were numerous, but they were not sticky. One thought that kept returning was about food, and specifically what I would have for dinner. It made me wonder if the desire for food is a different kind of desire altogether, or if the force behind it is different from the desire for immaterial things. It feels more physical, more direct, and harder to argue with. Even when I did not want to engage with it, it kept showing up in a very ordinary way, like my body was casually reminding me that it has its own priorities.